Dr Renée O'Sullivan - Easter 2006

An Offering of Fifty Two Haikus

DYING and GRIEF

A Life well lived
Generations following
Serene acceptance

Am I dying? –
A young mother asks in fear
She wants – to live

“Look Mummy’s up there”
a bright star shines lovingly
“will she be home soon?”

Ron “saw” his Eileen
His family by his bed
With a smile he joins her

How long – how long?
Dare I go home for a wash
I want to be there

She suffered so much –
At the end so peaceful
Grief and loss softened

We knew the end coming
And yet we never thought it –
Would be so final

Sadness at such loss
Husband father grandfather –
Grieving wordless love

All encompassing
The thought of being dead –
Tearful eyes of grief

Bereft bereaved
Big trembling tears falling –
Body emptiness

Conflicts unresolved
Difficult resolutions
Forgiveness beckons

Preferred place of death
Seventeen factors conspire
-a choiceless end

Home emergency
Comfortless in A and E
Awaiting death

End of life care –
Seventeen factors decide
Lotteries abound

In our endings –
Hoping to choose how we travel
Into the unknown

Alone and facing
The final separation
Into the unknown

Heartfelt openness
Encompassing peacefulness
Into the beyond

Little boy scared
Unable to speak to grasp
Granddad is dying

An after life?
Inevitable ending
The question remains

Living is risky
Dying inevitable
Enriched journeying

Transcendent hope
Containing presence
Comforting silence

Encumbered body
Used to being in charge
Choiceless letting go

Friends and family
Her birthday gathering
Next day she left them

Fretful searching child
Searching sitting asking why
Pain embodied grief

Whole body pain
Embodied remembrance of
Unbearable loss

Inconsolable
Their final separation
Inevitable

Sad bedside waiting
His twilight zone awareness
Being transformed –

Final last breath
Slipping over the edge
In to timelessness

The Overall Experience

Rainbow aliveness
Glimpses of peoples’ journeys
In the face of death

Transfixed in the glare –
Of cancer diagnosis
Utterly changed

The Doctor said
“go home – enjoy your life”
Do I have any time?

Oscillating with
Denial and acceptance
Both necessary

An after life?
Inevitable ending
The question remains

Bald head eyebrowless
Body image changed
Utterly changed

Am I still me?
Vulnerable and waiting
Self esteem mirrored

Caring Hospice team
Comfortable; needs addressed
INJECTION preferred

Mind body felt sense
Of peoples’ journeying
At the edge of life

Reverent presence
in that dark and terrible place
Sunshine seeps through

Transcendent hope-
Containing presence
Comforting silence

Doctor listening
Oh! - Doctor withdraws
Too painful

Palliative Care –
Inter disciplinary
Sharing and caring

Communication
Describing experience
Documentation

Answerless questions
Spiritual care leads
To inner depths

Chaplain alongside
Reconciliation
Eternal healing

Support – team personal
Off loading – reflecting
Leads to renewal

A glimmer of hope
Analgesic titration
Unlimited joy

Excruciating
Brachial plexopathy
Personal life dark

Her smile life full
She stands and waves eyes so bright
Pain free ecstasy

A traumatic day
Healing debriefing in a
Protected safe time

Reflective insight
Challenging situation
Self care is precious

Mind body felt sense
Of peoples’ journeying
At the edge of life

Heartfelt thankfulness
Enriching open sharing
Mutual journeys

About the Writer

Dr Renée O'Sullivan

“I have been an Associate Specialist in Palliative Care for the last 17 years. For the last ten years I have worked in the Pilgrims Hospices in East Kent, initially in the Canterbury Hospice, and in the Ashford Hospice since it opened in 2001. This is a 22 bed hospice. As well as providing in-patient services I am also involved in seeing patients in clinic and in visiting them at home. I also support our Community Clinical Nurse Specialists who look after approximately 200 patients.

I enjoy my work very much and I am continually inspired and touched by our patients and their families as they share this part of their life journey with me.

I have found that Haiku poetry (17 syllables approximately for each poem) helps me to reflect on the richness of my experience as a Palliative Care Doctor. The Haiku poem seems to express a lot in a few words.”

This article is downloadable in PDF Format for printing or off-line reading.

(c) all words and images copyright Renee O'Sullivan